My Dearest Haley,
We had such a great day today. After taking Daddy to work we went to Chick-Fil-A for breakfast. You had chicken nuggets and a cinnamon roll. The "breakfast of champions". :) We snuggled on the bench, made funny faces at your sweet brother and dance to the Christian music playing in the dining area. You have been doing this funny thing lately. Whenever I try to tickle you, you turn around and say, "Oh Yeah?!", which means you're going to tickle me back. The expression on your face is so precious. You have such an infectious smile and laugh.
After spending time together at breakfast we decided to go look around Family Christian Store. One of the very first things you saw was a little statue of Baby Jesus laying in the manger with Santa kneeling at his side clutching his hat. You had the sweetest face and absolutely loved the statue. We talked about it and you said Santa was kneeling because Jesus was in his heart. We must be doing something right.
Later we went over to a friends house to help her clean because she had sold her house and was moving. I put you in the front room with Gregory (4), Cameron (2), and Annelise (19 mo.). You were supposed to be watching a video but I caught you teaching the kids how to pray. Oh, to have the faith of a child. You have blessed me so much with your faith.
We went to bed pretty late. Daddy fell asleep right away, as he usually does. :) I was doing what was supposed to be my quiet time but you had been sleeping in our room so you were jumping all over the place. Needless to say, I had a difficult time concentrating.
Well, let me back up to earlier in the evening. I received a phone call from your Grandma, my mom. She had really bad news about my cousin Clayton. Clayton is my only male cousin. He is about 20 years old while I am writing about this. After a year of mysterious cold symptoms, Clayton was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I was extremely upset when I found out and was crying pretty uncontrollably. I really didn't want you to see me so upset but I couldn't get Daddy to take you out of the room. I had to explain to you that someone I love very much had an owey on his head. You held on to me and told me it would be okay and we should pray for them. You are such an empathetic child. I am constantly amazed at how sweet you are to people in pain. I love that about you.
Anyways, after putting down my Bible I noticed your sweet little eyes watching me. I drew a smiley face on my leg and you broke into a big smile. You took my pen and drew pictures over my entire leg. You wrote your name and drew a picture of yourself. It tickled and we kept breaking into giggles. We had a great time and didn't go to sleep until midnight. I enjoy those times with you.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
The beginning of my first journal...
This was the first entry in my journal dated 11/10/07
Today was a great day. Ana is in town to get her "grandkid fix." We went to the mall so you could play. Santa Claus was there and for the first time, you sat in his lap and gave him a hug. He was a good looking Santa and you were in awe. It was so much fun to watch you. Although you know about Santa, we want to teach you and Matthew what Christmas is all aobut; the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ.
We went to the food court, which was pretty uneventful in and of itself. At the end of dinner, you whispered to Ana that you needed $5 to buy your Daddy a treat. You were very adament that you got $5. You took your Daddy and walked him around the food court. I could tell you wanted to buy something very specific. You finally came to a place that sells fresh fruit smoothies. We think the fact that it had a Superman logo played a factor in your choice. You walked right up and handed a wad of $1 bills and told the gentleman that you wanted to buy a special treat for your Daddy. The man helped you decide on a Strawberry and Banana smoothie. When you got the smoothie you handed it to Daddy with unbelievale pride. Daddy was nearly in tears and, of course, I was also. This was one of those moments that I was so proud to be your Mom. I thank God for your kind, selfless heart and hope we continue to foster that kindness.
Today was a great day. Ana is in town to get her "grandkid fix." We went to the mall so you could play. Santa Claus was there and for the first time, you sat in his lap and gave him a hug. He was a good looking Santa and you were in awe. It was so much fun to watch you. Although you know about Santa, we want to teach you and Matthew what Christmas is all aobut; the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ.
We went to the food court, which was pretty uneventful in and of itself. At the end of dinner, you whispered to Ana that you needed $5 to buy your Daddy a treat. You were very adament that you got $5. You took your Daddy and walked him around the food court. I could tell you wanted to buy something very specific. You finally came to a place that sells fresh fruit smoothies. We think the fact that it had a Superman logo played a factor in your choice. You walked right up and handed a wad of $1 bills and told the gentleman that you wanted to buy a special treat for your Daddy. The man helped you decide on a Strawberry and Banana smoothie. When you got the smoothie you handed it to Daddy with unbelievale pride. Daddy was nearly in tears and, of course, I was also. This was one of those moments that I was so proud to be your Mom. I thank God for your kind, selfless heart and hope we continue to foster that kindness.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Better late than never....
I have toiled with different ways of writing you letters. I want you to look back, especially when you are a mom and know a little bit of what you were like. I have a deep desire to create a record for you regarding your life. Part of it stems from the fact that I remember very little from my life because my memory is so bad. :) I am sure you can attest to that fact. I hope you don't mind that it has taken me so long to put this stuff down where you can read it. I will add the diffrent things I have written to you throughout the last five years and put it here for you.
You are so important to me Haley. As my first born, you will always hold a very special place in my heart. I will never forget the day I found out I was pregnant with you. Daddy and I had been wanting a baby for awhile but it took awhile to get pregnant. The day I found out I was at home alone. It was late July or early August. I hadn't been feeling well and debated taking a pregnancy test. I had taken so many and been disappointed before. I didn't really want to go through that again. I remember standing in the bathroom after tearing open the package of the pregnancy test. I had a whole conversation with myself about why I was taking it. I finally decided that I wasn't going to take it and put it on the bathroom sink. After walking away for a little while I got concerned that I had waisted a test and decided that I might as well use it if I was going to waste it. I took the test but was not nervous at all. I had no doubt that it would be negative. Instead of sitting and watching it change, I left the bathroom. I came back a few minutes later and looked at the test before throwing it away. Just a quick glance. Was that a line? I would've loved to have had a picture of my facial expression. I grabbed the box out of the trashcan and reread the directions. Yep, two lines means positive. Then I started playing devils advocate. After all, that was a VERY faint line. Could you even call it a line. When I finally decided that it was in fact a line, I couldn't stop smiling or catching my breath. The feeling was overwhelming. This is what I wanted but there was so much fear. I had been told since I was 15 that it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant and carry a baby to term. Despite the fear, elation won out. I started screaming and crying and screaming some more. You were finally going to be mine. The immense and instant love I felt for you was indescribable. I didn't know that it worked like that. Suddenly my heart opened and filled with such joy, love, protectiveness, gratefulness, and excitement that I could hardly stand it. I love you with an amazing depth and have since the moment I knew you were conceived.
You are so important to me Haley. As my first born, you will always hold a very special place in my heart. I will never forget the day I found out I was pregnant with you. Daddy and I had been wanting a baby for awhile but it took awhile to get pregnant. The day I found out I was at home alone. It was late July or early August. I hadn't been feeling well and debated taking a pregnancy test. I had taken so many and been disappointed before. I didn't really want to go through that again. I remember standing in the bathroom after tearing open the package of the pregnancy test. I had a whole conversation with myself about why I was taking it. I finally decided that I wasn't going to take it and put it on the bathroom sink. After walking away for a little while I got concerned that I had waisted a test and decided that I might as well use it if I was going to waste it. I took the test but was not nervous at all. I had no doubt that it would be negative. Instead of sitting and watching it change, I left the bathroom. I came back a few minutes later and looked at the test before throwing it away. Just a quick glance. Was that a line? I would've loved to have had a picture of my facial expression. I grabbed the box out of the trashcan and reread the directions. Yep, two lines means positive. Then I started playing devils advocate. After all, that was a VERY faint line. Could you even call it a line. When I finally decided that it was in fact a line, I couldn't stop smiling or catching my breath. The feeling was overwhelming. This is what I wanted but there was so much fear. I had been told since I was 15 that it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant and carry a baby to term. Despite the fear, elation won out. I started screaming and crying and screaming some more. You were finally going to be mine. The immense and instant love I felt for you was indescribable. I didn't know that it worked like that. Suddenly my heart opened and filled with such joy, love, protectiveness, gratefulness, and excitement that I could hardly stand it. I love you with an amazing depth and have since the moment I knew you were conceived.
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