Better late than never....

I have toiled with different ways of writing you letters. I want you to look back, especially when you are a mom and know a little bit of what you were like. I have a deep desire to create a record for you regarding your life. Part of it stems from the fact that I remember very little from my life because my memory is so bad. :) I am sure you can attest to that fact. I hope you don't mind that it has taken me so long to put this stuff down where you can read it. I will add the diffrent things I have written to you throughout the last five years and put it here for you.

You are so important to me Haley. As my first born, you will always hold a very special place in my heart. I will never forget the day I found out I was pregnant with you. Daddy and I had been wanting a baby for awhile but it took awhile to get pregnant. The day I found out I was at home alone. It was late July or early August. I hadn't been feeling well and debated taking a pregnancy test. I had taken so many and been disappointed before. I didn't really want to go through that again. I remember standing in the bathroom after tearing open the package of the pregnancy test. I had a whole conversation with myself about why I was taking it. I finally decided that I wasn't going to take it and put it on the bathroom sink. After walking away for a little while I got concerned that I had waisted a test and decided that I might as well use it if I was going to waste it. I took the test but was not nervous at all. I had no doubt that it would be negative. Instead of sitting and watching it change, I left the bathroom. I came back a few minutes later and looked at the test before throwing it away. Just a quick glance. Was that a line? I would've loved to have had a picture of my facial expression. I grabbed the box out of the trashcan and reread the directions. Yep, two lines means positive. Then I started playing devils advocate. After all, that was a VERY faint line. Could you even call it a line. When I finally decided that it was in fact a line, I couldn't stop smiling or catching my breath. The feeling was overwhelming. This is what I wanted but there was so much fear. I had been told since I was 15 that it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant and carry a baby to term. Despite the fear, elation won out. I started screaming and crying and screaming some more. You were finally going to be mine. The immense and instant love I felt for you was indescribable. I didn't know that it worked like that. Suddenly my heart opened and filled with such joy, love, protectiveness, gratefulness, and excitement that I could hardly stand it. I love you with an amazing depth and have since the moment I knew you were conceived.